The new CIA torture report is 6 million pages long. It's almost as long as a George Clooney pre-nup.

Now in Utah if you get the death sentence, they have the firing squad. In Russia, they call that early retirement.

Experts say that Iraq may have nuclear weapons. That's bad news - they may have a nuclear bomb. Now the good news is that they have to drop it with a camel.

Obesity is now a problem in the navy. They've created a new rank: Really Big Rear Admiral.

It is cold down in Washington, DC. They had to use an ice scraper on John Boehner's face to get the tears off, it was so cold.

Today Mitt Romney is 68 years old. It's kind of sad, a 68-year-old guy with no job, no future - wait a minute, that's me.

Herman Cain said, starting today, if you buy into his 9-9-9 plan, he'll throw in a free 32-ounce soda.