I don't like stand-up comedy that requires a lot of props. I really respect people who can walk out onstage alone and with no other tool but their own minds and can make you laugh and maybe even think a little.

President Obama and his wife are going to Kenya. Donald Trump said, 'While you're there, pick up your birth certificate.'

John Kerry says that foreign leaders want him to be president, but that he can't name the foreign leaders. That's all right, President Bush can't name them either.

President Obama went to India, South Korea, then Japan. He's going to keep travelling until he finds his birth certificate.

The White House is saying Donald Trump has 'zero percent chance' of being elected. Isn't that a little high?

Every day is President's Day when you have an intern!

Al Gore has endorsed Howard Dean for president. That's pretty fitting, the guy that didn't beat Bush endorsing the guy who won't beat Bush.