I don't like stand-up comedy that requires a lot of props. I really respect people who can walk out onstage alone and with no other tool but their own minds and can make you laugh and maybe even think a little.

The United States has launched airstrikes against ISIS. It's being called 'Operation Approval Ratings.'

Critics of the Wall Street protesters claim that they have old ideas, nothing new, and they're never going to work. Wait a minute., that sounds like this show.

I have found that the only thing that does bring you happiness is doing something good for somebody who is incapable of doing it for themselves.

It was stupid behaviour. And you take a look at the explosion, and it knocks you down and you wake up every morning and you're scared and you're depressed and sad, and you kind of got to let that knock you down and knock you down.

President Obama and his wife are going to Kenya. Donald Trump said, 'While you're there, pick up your birth certificate.'

Don't forget it's daylight savings time. You spring forward, then you fall back. It's like Robert Downey Jr. getting out of bed.