How about this John Kerry controversy? So he's out there in California, tells some kind of joke and it backfires. He's saying he botched the joke. ... This guy can lose elections he's not even in.

Mitt Romney is quite a guy. At one point he and his wife bought a zoo and fired all the animals.

President Obama went to India, South Korea, then Japan. He's going to keep travelling until he finds his birth certificate.

Holyfield won the fight. It's not the first time Romney has been knocked out by a black guy.

Humans are the only animal who can have sex over the phone.

It's two days until tax time. I know it's late, but there is still time to deduct this show as a loss.

I cannot sing, dance or act; what else would I be but a talk show host.