I believe I have voted for both Democrats and Republicans. Am I either one? Absolutely not. Ladies and gentlemen, I am an American.

Rick Perry has now accused Mitt Romney of hiring illegal aliens to work on his hair.

Here's what the kids get. They get free McDonald's and Kentucky Fried Chicken for a year, and 52 six-packs of Pepsi. And I'm thinking, well, actually, it might be healthier if they were taking steroids.

There is no off position on the genius switch.

CBS News finally received anthrax in the mail. As usual, we're number three.

When I stopped smoking cigars it was the biggest mistake I made in my life. So my resolution for 98 is Im going to start smoking cigars again. I gave them up about a year and a half ago, and I now realize that it may have been my one last fun, interesting thing to do.

The 2016 presidential campaign is heating up. Can you feel the indifference, the apathy?