I believe I have voted for both Democrats and Republicans. Am I either one? Absolutely not. Ladies and gentlemen, I am an American.

Incredible experience, watching a baby birth on the internet. It's now my screensaver.

Newt Gingrich had a horrible week in the Iowa caucuses. Only 13 percent of his ex-wives voted for him.

New Orleans: The least annoying French place on Earth.

Ladies and gentlemen, after what I've been through, I am happy just to be wearing clothes that open in the front.

I knew that if I woke up hung over, I couldn't do the best possible job on the show, so I had to quit. Also, I'd consumed a lot of beer for a lot of years, and I thought, That's enough. I've had my fun and I'm glad I quit.

I know you're on the Atkins diet, but could you stop eating bacon during sex?