President Obama is sending troops back to Iraq. He said, 'Don't worry, we should not be there any longer than a Kardashian marriage.'

Life experience is the best teacher.

The European countries are really hoping to do well in the Olympics. If they win gold medals, they can use them as cash.

USA Today has come out with a new survey - apparently, three out of every four people make up 75% of the population.

When I stopped smoking cigars it was the biggest mistake I made in my life. So my resolution for 98 is Im going to start smoking cigars again. I gave them up about a year and a half ago, and I now realize that it may have been my one last fun, interesting thing to do.

Last Halloween I ran out of candy and I had to give the kids nicotine gum.

There's already been some trouble for Osama bin Laden in the afterlife. There was a mix up and he was greeted by 72 vegans.