One day you're the leader of Iraq, the next day you're being checked for fleas on Fox News.

The mayor of Sochi is now saying that there are no gay people in Sochi. So the only thing that is flaming over there now is the Olympic torch.

After my bypass surgery I knew I had to change my lifestyle, and then it occured to me - I don't have a lifestyle.

You probably heard about the big prisoner swap with Cuba. A man who has been incarcerated in Havana for five years is back home in the United States. And we sent them some prisoners. The deal still has to be approved by President Obama and Bud Selig.

A small handgun makes any TV remote control.

President Bush wants to build a space station on the moon. And from the moon, he wants to launch people to Mars. You know what this means. He's been drinking again.

Because Utah is largely Mormon country, the firing squad's a little different. You're blindfolded but no cigarette.