One day you're the leader of Iraq, the next day you're being checked for fleas on Fox News.

President Obama is in China. Today he visited the kids who make our cellphones.

Here's the plot of 'Interstellar.' Refugees - they're known as Democrats - they're looking for a new planet.

United Airlines: Passengers are our worst enemy. We're not too fond of luggage either.

I don't like stand-up comedy that requires a lot of props. I really respect people who can walk out onstage alone and with no other tool but their own minds and can make you laugh and maybe even think a little.

There's a rumor that President George Bush had a nose job, that he had some kind of plastic surgery, that he actually had a nose job. If this is true, that's the first new job he's created since taking office.

I got some good news earlier today before the show. Thanks to Alex Rodriguez, I am no longer the most overpaid disappointment in New York City.