President Bush is going to establish elections there in Iraq. He's going to rebuild the infrastructure. He's going to create jobs. He said if it works there, he'll try it here.

Because you think an explosion has taken place and you're looking at the shards and you say, 'Well, can we put this back together?' And by God, maybe you can put it back together. And maybe it won't be the same, but maybe it will be different, and maybe it can even be better in a different way.

Kim Jong Un's sister got married. That sounds like another Seth Rogen movie, doesn't it?

I'm worried about John Kerry, he's so confident now that he's already planning his White House sex scandal.

Keep in mind that your individual vote doesn't mean anything.

Obesity is now a problem in the navy. They've created a new rank: Really Big Rear Admiral.

I'll be honest with you. It's beginning to look like I'm not going to get 'The Tonight Show.'