Mitt Romney is running for president again. That will be attempt No. 3. Well, everybody needs a hobby. He's almost certainly running, and I'm almost certainly retiring, so I don't care.

President Obama has two years left as president. I wouldn't be surprised if he gets to appoint two new Kardashian husbands.

The general election's taking place today in Iraq, so I guess that means we're one step closer to being there for another 10 years.

John Boehner is a member of a country club in Ohio. It turns out that the bartender was plotting to poison Boehner. Now wait a minute. Isn't that the movie with Seth Rogen and James Franco?

Mayor de Blasio has legalized ferrets. Now you can legally own ferrets in New York City. I want to tell you something. If I want to see anymore beady-eyed little weasels, I'll just keep riding the subway.

George Clooney is on the program tonight. Next week at this time I will be in a hardware store watching them mix paint.

Instead of reading vows at the wedding ceremony, they read hacked Sony emails.