You can email me, but I prefer letters that come through conventional mail. I like letters that have been licked by strangers.

But down in Florida in the early voting, there were computer glitches, confusing ballots, long lines and chaos. And when President Bush heard about this, he said, 'Mission accomplished!'

I've had nothing but great friendship to help me through this.

Pope Francis is going to go to Washington, D.C., to address Congress. He believes the New England Patriots have been deflating his giant hat.

I'm very resourceful. I'd be good in prison. I'd be good in a shipwreck. I'd make a great hostage.

I'm an environmentalist. Most of my jokes are recycled.

Good luck finding a place to park in New York City. And when you do, good luck figuring out the parking signs, restrictions, and prohibitions. It is so complicated. It has gotten so bad, I never park my car without a lawyer.