You can email me, but I prefer letters that come through conventional mail. I like letters that have been licked by strangers.

I'm very resourceful. I'd be good in prison. I'd be good in a shipwreck. I'd make a great hostage.

Hillary has now erased all of her emails, and she also had all of her pantsuits dry cleaned.

Delta: We never make the same mistake three times.

Everybody is wondering what Paris Hilton will be doing next, and hell, I'm wondering what she did before.

Rick Perry is now saying he thinks that Barack Obama's birth certificate is fake. I think Perry may have faked his driver's license.

John Kerry went duck hunting and he's doing that to fulfill his campaign pledge to hunt down the ducks and kill them wherever they are! Kerry did pretty well; he came back with four ducks and three Purple Hearts.