I'm very resourceful. I'd be good in prison. I'd be good in a shipwreck. I'd make a great hostage.

The United States has launched airstrikes against ISIS. It's being called 'Operation Approval Ratings.'

We have defeated Saddam Hussein and Iraq. The good news is Iraq is ours, and the bad news is Iraq is ours.

President Obama is sending a couple hundred troops to Iraq. We spent six years trying to figure a way to get out of Iraq. And now we're back. But this time there is an exit strategy. Barack Obama has an exit strategy. In 2016, he's gone.

Everybody is wondering what Paris Hilton will be doing next, and hell, I'm wondering what she did before.

Traffic signals in New York are just rough guidelines.

I think the one thing I would point to as a primary reason, basically, is that I was a gigantic ass, ... It's the first time I got dumped in my life.