We thought New York City was home to 8 million rats. Turns out, that's a little high. The actual number is 2 million rats. That explains the light turnout for the midterm elections.
David LettermanI don't mind being accused of being a bad comedian and I don't even mind being accused of being a bad talk-show host, but I never want to be accused of being an arrogant, pompous showbiz asshole.
David LettermanHere in New York City, it's cold. It's so cold the Republicans want to use the Keystone Pipeline to deliver soup.
David LettermanThe new CIA torture report is 6 million pages long. It's almost as long as a George Clooney pre-nup.
David Letterman