Bronco Rick Perry is the first candidate I've ever heard say he's not doing well because he's sleepy. You know, we criticized George W. Bush a lot, but there was one thing he was very disciplined about, and that was getting his full eight years of sleep.

President Obama is sending a couple hundred troops to Iraq. We spent six years trying to figure a way to get out of Iraq. And now we're back. But this time there is an exit strategy. Barack Obama has an exit strategy. In 2016, he's gone.

CBS News finally received anthrax in the mail. As usual, we're number three.

They're saying President Obama doesn't have any friends. The problem is that he can't get Congress to approve one.

I don't like jokes about sex or bodily functions or drug use or the difference between New York and L.A. I never do any of that.

Night clubs scare me. They're dark and they stink and they're dangerous and everybody's drunk.

Osama bin Laden has ten look-alikes to fool us Americans. Ten look-alikes, and he's married to five of them.