There is no off position on the genius switch.

The oil spill is getting bad. There is so much oil and tar now in the Gulf of Mexico, Cubans can now walk to Miami.

All comedians are preoccupied with one thing and with one thing only-themmm-selllves. It's a horrible lot in life.

Did you hear about this genius that got on a plane and set fire to his feet? Turns out he had bombs in his shoes and the problem all started when the flight attendants asked him nicely to extinguish his feet. He was wearing exploding sneakers. The new Nike Air-Jihads!

At the White House, they caught another fence jumper earlier today. It was Obama trying to get out.

Osama bin Laden has ten look-alikes to fool us Americans. Ten look-alikes, and he's married to five of them.

Donald Trump announced that he is not running for president. He would rather spend his time making Gary Busey sell Snapple on the street.