Today coming to work, I saw one of those only in New York scenes. It was a rat who had passed out after choking on a pretzel.

The White House is saying Donald Trump has 'zero percent chance' of being elected. Isn't that a little high?

Remember evil Russian dictator Vladimir Putin? He vanished for 10 days. He had disappeared and there were a lot of rumors. One rumor was he had disappeared because he had himself executed.

Did you hear what the Republicans have said about Hillary Clinton? They say she's too angry to be president. Hillary Clinton, Senator Hillary Clinton, too angry to be president. When she heard this, Hillary said, 'Oh yeah? I'll rip your throats out, you bastards.'

When we started the show, there were mixed responses. Half of the people said, 'That show doesn't have a chance.' The other half said, 'That show doesn't have a prayer.'

The Hillary team is driving around in a van. Sometimes people get those gag bumper stickers put on their van. Hillary has one on her van, and it says, 'If this van's rockin', I'm deleting emails.'

You know who's upset now with ISIS? Al Qaeda. It's because ISIS is getting more attention than Al Qaeda. So now, Saturday night will be Ayman al-Zawahiri bobblehead night.