But down in Florida in the early voting, there were computer glitches, confusing ballots, long lines and chaos. And when President Bush heard about this, he said, 'Mission accomplished!'

Humans are the only animal who can have sex over the phone.

There's only one requirement of any of us, and that is to be courageous. Because courage, as you might know, defines all other human behavior. And, I believe - because I've done a little of this myself - pretending to be courageous is just as good as the real thing.

Remember evil Russian dictator Vladimir Putin? He vanished for 10 days. He had disappeared and there were a lot of rumors. One rumor was he had disappeared because he had himself executed.

Kids in Washington every year have the big Easter egg roll on the White House lawn. The kids found 300 Easter eggs. They also found about 10,000 missing Hillary emails.

Mitt Romney is not going to be running for president. So you know what that means. We are getting closer and closer to 'President Trump.'

Recently a guy was having trouble with his computer. So he unplugs it, takes it out in the alley, pulls out a gun, and shoots it eight times. Coincidentally, that's how Hillary got rid of her emails.