Do you remember the good ol' days when Congress was only unsafe if you were an intern.
David LettermanPresident Obama and his family are spending the holidays in Hawaii, and while they're gone, they got a fence jumper to house sit. Tomorrow, he will be in Hawaii playing golf with Raul Castro and the Pope.
David LettermanPresident Bush announced he has a five-point strategy for getting out of Iraq. Points six through 10 will be handled by the Kerry administration.
David LettermanWe have defeated Saddam Hussein and Iraq. The good news is Iraq is ours, and the bad news is Iraq is ours.
David LettermanI think you can use some of those words on TV. But one thing you can't do is throw coffee, I've said it over and over again!
David LettermanYou folks like TV, you watch a lot of TV? There's a show right here on CBS, it's a huge hit. It's called the "Mentalist." And it's about this guy who has a heightened sense of observation. It's miraculous; he's the only guy in the world who can tell the difference between Sarah Palin and Tina Fey.
David Letterman