Night clubs scare me. They're dark and they stink and they're dangerous and everybody's drunk.
David LettermanThe 2016 presidential campaign is heating up. Can you feel the indifference, the apathy?
David LettermanOver the weekend, John Kerry - the big John Kerry juggernaut moves on - he won primaries in Washington D.C., Nevada and, I think, Canada. And he's so confident that he's started nailing that intern again.
David LettermanYou folks like TV, you watch a lot of TV? There's a show right here on CBS, it's a huge hit. It's called the "Mentalist." And it's about this guy who has a heightened sense of observation. It's miraculous; he's the only guy in the world who can tell the difference between Sarah Palin and Tina Fey.
David Letterman