Hillary Clinton, our junior senator from New York, announced that she has no intentions of ever, ever running for office of the President of the United States. Her husband, Bill Clinton, is bitterly disappointed. He is crushed. There go his dreams of becoming a two-impeachment family.

Once you're president, you can't go anywhere without causing trouble. President Obama shows up in China, he's chewing gum, they go crazy. A big stink because the president's chewing gum. And you think, the Chinese are so easygoing about human rights. What's the problem?

Hillary Clinton could use one of these Apple Watches. She could hook it up to her secret email account. If you want to contact Hillary, she's at hillary@pantsuit.com.

I heard doctors revived a man who had been dead for 4-1/2 minutes. When they asked him what it was like being dead, he said it was like listening to Yankees announcer Phil Rizzuto during a rain delay.

At the White House, they caught another fence jumper earlier today. It was Obama trying to get out.

Mitt Romney is not going to run for president. Mitt said it's time for fresh faces. So that's good news for Bruce Jenner.

The White House is saying Donald Trump has 'zero percent chance' of being elected. Isn't that a little high?