Once you're president, you can't go anywhere without causing trouble. President Obama shows up in China, he's chewing gum, they go crazy. A big stink because the president's chewing gum. And you think, the Chinese are so easygoing about human rights. What's the problem?

I'm worried about John Kerry, he's so confident now that he's already planning his White House sex scandal.

Newt Gingrich had a horrible week in the Iowa caucuses. Only 13 percent of his ex-wives voted for him.

The 2016 presidential campaign is heating up. Can you feel the indifference, the apathy?

My political position is that I'm happy to be alive and in North America.

America is the only country where a significant proportion of the population believes that professional wrestling is real but the moon landing was faked.

Donald Trump is talking about running for president. He hasn't made an announcement, but I want to tell you something. The fake suspense is killing me.