Stocks are at an all-time high today. I don't have any money in the stock market. I don't have the stomach for the ups and downs. So about 20 years ago I put all of my money and liquid assets into videotape rewind machines.

I can hardly wait until Donald Trump announces his celebrity cabinet.

Ladies and gentlemen, after what I've been through, I am happy just to be wearing clothes that open in the front.

Do good things for other people.

You know who's also joining the Wall Street protesters? Kanye West. That's a real good idea -- a guy with diamonds in his teeth protesting greed.

The CIA special unit that was searching for Osama bin Laden has been disbanded. So I guess, mission accomplished.

Arnold is now the front runner. Everyone was snickering about it a month ago, now it looks like he will be the next governor of California. He is so confident he has already chosen a body oil for the inauguration.