All comedians are preoccupied with one thing and with one thing only-themmm-selllves. It's a horrible lot in life.

They're saying President Obama doesn't have any friends. The problem is that he can't get Congress to approve one.

Over in Afghanistan, Osama stuck his head out of the cave and saw a shadow. So, that means six more weeks of bombing.

It was announced that President Obama and his wife, when they're finished in Washington, are moving to New York City. The guy just can't get enough gridlock.

Senate Minority Leader Harry Reid says he will not seek re-election. Harry said he wants to spend more time with his family. As I always say, check with your family.

Prince William and Kate Middleton are in New York City. We have got to do something about immigration.

Hookers in Times Square, God bless 'em, are offering a Mitt Romney Special. For an extra $20 they'll change positions.