I love the protests. And if you think about it, what better way to send a message to Wall Street than by sitting in a pup tent banging on a drum.

Today is tax day. A lot of people are hoping they get refunds. And that's just the folks here in the audience.

Kim Jong Un shaved his eyebrows and got his hair sticking right up. How would you like the leader of your country looking like Lady Gaga? Even Dennis Rodman told him he looks weird.

A small handgun makes any TV remote control.

I always liked Mitt Romney. He looks like the salesman who follows you around at Brooks Brothers.

Stocks are at an all-time high today. I don't have any money in the stock market. I don't have the stomach for the ups and downs. So about 20 years ago I put all of my money and liquid assets into videotape rewind machines.

I'm worried about John Kerry, he's so confident now that he's already planning his White House sex scandal.