I think you can use some of those words on TV. But one thing you can't do is throw coffee, I've said it over and over again!

This Hillary Clinton scandal has to do with emails. All I get are emails for Canadian Viagra.

President Obama's trying to work out a nuclear deal with Iran, and the Republicans are steamed. They got together and sent Iran a letter about the nuclear deal. They said if this doesn't work, by God, they're going to send Seth Rogen and James Franco.

Jeb Bush has to distance himself from what they call the Bush brand. So he keeps saying, 'I am my own man.' But when Governor Chris Christie is out on the campaign trail, he's always saying, 'I'm my own man, plus another guy.'

It's disappointing when you finally get to meet someone you admire and he conducts himself as a jerk.

How about that oil slick in the Gulf of Mexico. And you know, the oil slick is going everywhere. So the next time somebody lands on the Hudson, it won't be that big a deal.

It's tax season. When I woke this morning and realized it was tax season, I said, My God, didn't we just pay taxes last year?