You know you've had too much to eat for Christmas dinner when you slump down onto a beanbag and realize... there is no beanbag.

Prince William and Kate Middleton are in New York City. We have got to do something about immigration.

I think you can use some of those words on TV. But one thing you can't do is throw coffee, I've said it over and over again!

John McCain turned 72 years old last Friday, but the Chinese are making him a birth certificate that says he's only 33 and then he'll be ready to go.

I cannot sing, dance or act; what else would I be but a talk show host.

One of the remarkable things about being 19 is that you can break open a case of warm beer at midnight and still be wide-eyed and alert for your eight-a.m. class. And that gave me the false impression that my life would always be like that.

Tomorrow is Election Day. It's what they call the midterm elections, and you can cut the indifference with a knife. It's the day Americans leave work early and pretend to vote.