The Catholic Church has a tough new policy on child molestors: three strikes and you're a cardinal.

There's not a man, woman or child on the face of the earth who doesn't enjoy a tasty beverage.

In the last 48 hours King Abdullah from Saudi Arabia passed away. I have a moral dilemma. The king passed away three or four days ago. Is it too soon to hit on Queen Latifah?

Former President Bush, to celebrate his 80th birthday, jumped out of an airplane. And if you've seen the polls, you know he's not the only Bush in freefall.

President Bush says he needs a month off to unwind. Unwind? When the hell does this guy wind?

Obama took a tour of the Great Wall of China and said, 'We need one of these things around the White House.'

People say New Yorkers can't get along. Not true. I saw two New Yorkers, complete strangers, sharing a cab. One guy took the tires and the radio; the other guy took the engine.