Here's a woman, a real pioneer for other women looking for careers in stand-up comedy. And talk about guts - she would come out here and sit in this chair and say some things that were unbelievable - where you would have to swallow pretty hard... but it was hilarious... the force of her comedy was overpowering.

This Hillary Clinton scandal has to do with emails. All I get are emails for Canadian Viagra.

How about that oil slick in the Gulf of Mexico. And you know, the oil slick is going everywhere. So the next time somebody lands on the Hudson, it won't be that big a deal.

President Obama's trying to work out a nuclear deal with Iran, and the Republicans are steamed. They got together and sent Iran a letter about the nuclear deal. They said if this doesn't work, by God, they're going to send Seth Rogen and James Franco.

A small handgun makes any TV remote control.

Because Utah is largely Mormon country, the firing squad's a little different. You're blindfolded but no cigarette.

New York... when civilization falls apart, remember, we were way ahead of you.