Mayor de Blasio has legalized ferrets. Now you can legally own ferrets in New York City. I want to tell you something. If I want to see anymore beady-eyed little weasels, I'll just keep riding the subway.

Father's Day: When you get that lethal combination of alcohol and new power tools.

You can't eat tomatoes because they're tainted with deadly salmonella. First there was tainted lettuce. Now, tainted tomatoes. Who would have thought that the healthiest part of a B.L.T. would be the bacon?

Enron CEO Kenneth Lay has apparently just slipped across the border into Pakistan.

President Bush says he needs a month off to unwind. Unwind? When the hell does this guy wind?

Do you know who is ready to go with the presidential campaign? Jeb Bush. Jeb already has plans to end the war in Iraq that his brother started. All he needs is a hot tub time machine.

I cannot sing, dance or act; what else would I be but a talk show host.