Night clubs scare me. They're dark and they stink and they're dangerous and everybody's drunk.

As you watch the Gary Condit interview, three words come to mind: stiff, unbending and impenetrable. And that's just his hair.

The Academy Awards are passed out on Sunday. It's voted by members of the Academy of Motion Pictures Arts and Sciences. Or as I call them, 50 shades of white.

They found a cave once lived in by Osama bin Laden and the only thing in the cave were some boxer undershorts, and macaroni. I'm telling you, you add an old stack of Playboys, this could be my place. It's like I have a twin.

Tomorrow is our final show. That is unless it rains, and then there will be a rain delay. We'll probably make it up in a doubleheader around Labor Day.

Hillary's trying to appear downhome. Earlier today she was sitting on the front porch of a general store whittling a pantsuit.

Do you remember the good ol' days when Congress was only unsafe if you were an intern.