Welcome to the program. My name is Dave Letterman, and tonight I'm giving my two-week notice.
David LettermanThe mayor of Sochi is now saying that there are no gay people in Sochi. So the only thing that is flaming over there now is the Olympic torch.
David LettermanThere's only one requirement of any of us, and that is to be courageous. Because courage, as you might know, defines all other human behavior. And, I believe - because I've done a little of this myself - pretending to be courageous is just as good as the real thing.
David Letterman