If you can’t be brilliant, at least be memorable

At 60 miles an hour the loudest noise in this Rolls-Royce comes from the electric clock.

Never use jargon words like 'reconceptualize', 'demassification', 'attitudinally', 'judgmentally'. They are hallmarks of a pretentious ass.

The psychiatrists say that everybody should have a hobby. The hobby I recommend is advertising

It strikes me as bad manners for a magazine to accept one of my advertisements and then attack it editorially - like inviting a man to dinner then spitting in his eye.

I always said that mega-mergers were for megalomaniacs.

Readers travel so fast they don't stop to decipher the meaning of obscure headlines.