Horrible date all through high school and college. Here's an impression of me on a date in high school. Come on, chug it!

The last girl I went out with blew me off. Now I call her with lame excuses to see her, "Hey, did I leave a penny over there?"

I'm scared of slipping up, of just doing a joke that makes me laugh.

I just don't like to go out and deal with the real world. It's scary.

My older brother was cool, so I was suddenly cool by association. And I totally dusted all my old math friends.

I started doing the star turn and making a profit off it. Now I'm kind of one of them.

I'm like a Dilbert cartoon.