I started doing the star turn and making a profit off it. Now I'm kind of one of them.

In grade school I was smart, but I didn't have any friends. In high school, I quit being smart and started having friends.

Whenever you get on the plane, the flight attendant will always tell you the name of your pilot. Like anyone goes, Oh, he's good.

Horrible date all through high school and college. Here's an impression of me on a date in high school. Come on, chug it!

My fellow nerds and I will retire to the nerdery with our calculators.

The hard part about SNL is, there's no real communication when you get there. It's not like people are mean to you, they just act like you're not there.

I never have kids in movies or in TV shows.