I've got to get on myself to be sharp, funny and loose.

The hard part about SNL is, there's no real communication when you get there. It's not like people are mean to you, they just act like you're not there.

I've been with a beautiful girl from time to time.

You know the drill. 18 is legal. 17 with consent. 16 with a note. 15 if her dad's in the room. Low five!

Horrible date all through high school and college. Here's an impression of me on a date in high school. Come on, chug it!

Everyone is so weird in L.A. that if you're somewhat normal, it's exotic.

It's great to tell people you have your own show, but that's where the fun stops.