When Jerry Lewis and I were big, we used to go to parties, and everybody thought I was big-headed and stuck up, and I wasn't. It was because I didn't know how to speak good English, so I used to keep my mouth shut.

Johnny Carson is a comedian who is seen every night in millions of bedrooms all over America...and that's why his last wife left him.

Your lips and mine, two sips of wine, memories are made of this.

We try to find chemistry; we don't do a lot of situational baseball.

The world is the same you never change it, as sure as the stars shine above. Well, you're nobody til somebody loves you, so find yourself somebody to love.

Haven't got a girl, but I can wish. So I'll take me down to Main Street and that's where I'll select my imaginary dish.

You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.