In a tuxedo, I'm a star. In regular clothes, I'm a nobody.

There's a statue of Jimmy Stewart in the Hollywood Wax Museum, and the statue talks better than he does.

Milton Berle is an inspiration to every young person that wants to get into show business. Hard work, perseverance, and discipline: all the things you need...when you have no talent.

I once shook hands with Pat Boone, and my whole right side sobered up!

Haven't got a girl, but I can wish. So I'll take me down to Main Street and that's where I'll select my imaginary dish.

Brother, you can't go to jail for what you're thinking, or that look in your eye, just standing on the corner watching all the girls go by.

If you drink don't drive. Don't even putt.