I know it's the gentlemanly thing to let the wife file. But, then, everybody knows I'm no gentleman.

The world is the same you never change it, as sure as the stars shine above. Well, you're nobody til somebody loves you, so find yourself somebody to love.

I was so drunk last night I fell down and missed the floor.

It was a woman who drove me to drink. Come to think of it, I never did hang around to thank her for that. 'Hey lady! Do I look all blurry to you? 'Cause you look blurry to me!'

There's a statue of Jimmy Stewart in the Hollywood Wax Museum, and the statue talks better than he does.

You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.

I take the juice of two bottles of whisky.