It was a woman who drove me to drink. Come to think of it, I never did hang around to thank her for that. 'Hey lady! Do I look all blurry to you? 'Cause you look blurry to me!'

Everybody makes mistakes; look at Hitler.

There's a statue of Jimmy Stewart in the Hollywood Wax Museum, and the statue talks better than he does.

We try to find chemistry; we don't do a lot of situational baseball.

I once shook hands with Pat Boone, and my whole right side sobered up!

Brother, you can't go to jail for what you're thinking, or that look in your eye, just standing on the corner watching all the girls go by.

In a tuxedo, I'm a star. In regular clothes, I'm a nobody.