It was a woman who drove me to drink. Come to think of it, I never did hang around to thank her for that. 'Hey lady! Do I look all blurry to you? 'Cause you look blurry to me!'

If you drink don't drive. Don't even putt.

I was so drunk last night I fell down and missed the floor.

I've got seven kids. The three words you hear most around my house are 'hello,' 'goodbye,' and 'I'm pregnant.'

The thing I notice first about a woman is her walk. A beautiful woman is like a race horse-slim, sleek and with a beautiful carriage.

In order to share intimate feelings, you have to have intimate feelings.

You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.