It was a woman who drove me to drink. Come to think of it, I never did hang around to thank her for that. 'Hey lady! Do I look all blurry to you? 'Cause you look blurry to me!'

I take the juice of two bottles of whisky.

If people want to think I get drunk and stay out all night, let'em. That's how I got here, you know.

We try to find chemistry; we don't do a lot of situational baseball.

I've got seven kids. The three words you hear most around my house are 'hello,' 'goodbye,' and 'I'm pregnant.'

I once shook hands with Pat Boone, and my whole right side sobered up!

I know it's the gentlemanly thing to let the wife file. But, then, everybody knows I'm no gentleman.