The reason I drink is because when I'm sober I think I'm Eddie Fisher.

With his blessings from above, serve it generously with love. One man, one wife, one love, through life.

In a tuxedo, I'm a star. In regular clothes, I'm a nobody.

There's a statue of Jimmy Stewart in the Hollywood Wax Museum, and the statue talks better than he does.

The thing I notice first about a woman is her walk. A beautiful woman is like a race horse-slim, sleek and with a beautiful carriage.

I know it's the gentlemanly thing to let the wife file. But, then, everybody knows I'm no gentleman.

Haven't got a girl, but I can wish. So I'll take me down to Main Street and that's where I'll select my imaginary dish.