The reason I drink is because when I'm sober I think I'm Eddie Fisher.

With his blessings from above, serve it generously with love. One man, one wife, one love, through life.

Somewhere there's a someone for me. Though I may be lonely now, I'll see it through somehow, to somebody's heart I know I hold the key.

Johnny Carson is a comedian who is seen every night in millions of bedrooms all over America...and that's why his last wife left him.

It was a woman who drove me to drink. Come to think of it, I never did hang around to thank her for that. 'Hey lady! Do I look all blurry to you? 'Cause you look blurry to me!'

The thing I notice first about a woman is her walk. A beautiful woman is like a race horse-slim, sleek and with a beautiful carriage.

I know it's the gentlemanly thing to let the wife file. But, then, everybody knows I'm no gentleman.