Johnny Carson is a comedian who is seen every night in millions of bedrooms all over America...and that's why his last wife left him.

When Jerry Lewis and I were big, we used to go to parties, and everybody thought I was big-headed and stuck up, and I wasn't. It was because I didn't know how to speak good English, so I used to keep my mouth shut.

If people want to think I get drunk and stay out all night, let'em. That's how I got here, you know.

Motivation is a lotta crap.

With his blessings from above, serve it generously with love. One man, one wife, one love, through life.

The reason I drink is because when I'm sober I think I'm Eddie Fisher.

If this is just the beginning, my life's gonna be beautiful.