Johnny Carson is a comedian who is seen every night in millions of bedrooms all over America...and that's why his last wife left him.

I was so drunk last night I fell down and missed the floor.

There's a statue of Jimmy Stewart in the Hollywood Wax Museum, and the statue talks better than he does.

Johnny Carson is a comedian who is seen every night in millions of bedrooms all over America...and that's why his last wife left him.

I know it's the gentlemanly thing to let the wife file. But, then, everybody knows I'm no gentleman.

We try to find chemistry; we don't do a lot of situational baseball.

In a tuxedo, I'm a star. In regular clothes, I'm a nobody.