The world is the same you never change it, as sure as the stars shine above. Well, you're nobody til somebody loves you, so find yourself somebody to love.

I was so drunk last night I fell down and missed the floor.

We try to find chemistry; we don't do a lot of situational baseball.

If people want to think I get drunk and stay out all night, let'em. That's how I got here, you know.

When Jerry Lewis and I were big, we used to go to parties, and everybody thought I was big-headed and stuck up, and I wasn't. It was because I didn't know how to speak good English, so I used to keep my mouth shut.

If this is just the beginning, my life's gonna be beautiful.

Milton Berle is an inspiration to every young person that wants to get into show business. Hard work, perseverance, and discipline: all the things you need...when you have no talent.