I was so drunk last night I fell down and missed the floor.

It was a woman who drove me to drink. Come to think of it, I never did hang around to thank her for that. 'Hey lady! Do I look all blurry to you? 'Cause you look blurry to me!'

I take the juice of two bottles of whisky.

Johnny Carson is a comedian who is seen every night in millions of bedrooms all over America...and that's why his last wife left him.

I once shook hands with Pat Boone, and my whole right side sobered up!

Somewhere there's a someone for me. Though I may be lonely now, I'll see it through somehow, to somebody's heart I know I hold the key.

Brother, you can't go to jail for what you're thinking, or that look in your eye, just standing on the corner watching all the girls go by.