The biggest mistake is believing there is one right way to listen, to talk, to have a conversation - or a relationship.

In dialogue, there is opposition, yes, but no head-on collision. Smashing heads does not open minds.

any criticism heard secondhand sounds worse than it would face to face. Words spoken out of our presence strike us as more powerful, just as people we know only by reputation seem larger than life.

Communication is a continual balancing act, juggling the conflicting needs for intimacy and independence

When those closest to us respond to events differently than we do, when they seem to see the same scene as part of a different play, when they say things that we could not imagine saying in the same circumstances, the ground on which we stand seems to tremble and our footing is suddenly unsure.

Critiquing relieves you of the responsibility of doing integrative thinking.

Life is a matter of dealing with other people, in little matters and cataclysmic ones, and that means a series of conversations.