The argument culture urges us to approach the world - and the people in it - in an adversarial frame of mind. It rests on the assumption that opposition is the best way to get anything done: The best way to discuss an idea is to set up a debate; the best way to cover news is to find spokespeople who express the most extreme, polarized views and present them as 'both sides'; the best way to settle disputes is litigation that pits one party against the other; the best way to begin an essay is to attack someone; and the best way to show you're really thinking is to criticize.

The biggest mistake is believing there is one right way to listen, to talk, to have a conversation - or a relationship.

Some days you just want to get dressed and go about your business. But if you're a woman, you can't, because there is no unmarked woman.

Each person's life is lived as a series of conversations.

In an ongoing relationship, each current criticism packs the punches of all the others that have gone before.

The key to conversation at work is flexibility and understanding how what you say might be perceived by others.

any criticism heard secondhand sounds worse than it would face to face. Words spoken out of our presence strike us as more powerful, just as people we know only by reputation seem larger than life.