It's our tendency to approach every problem as if it were a fight between two sides. We see it in headlines that are always using metaphors for war. It's a general atmosphere of animosity and contention that has taken over our public discourse.

Communication is a continual balancing act, juggling the conflicting needs for intimacy and independence. To survive in the world, we have to act in concert with others, but to survive as ourselves, rather than simply as cogs in a wheel, we have to act alone.

The biggest mistake is believing there is one right way to listen, to talk, to have a conversation - or a relationship.

Saying that men talk about baseball in order to avoid talking about their feelings is the same as saying that women talk about their feelings in order to avoid talking about baseball.

Public discourse requires making an argument for a point of view, not having an argument - as in having a fight.

Part of the reason images of women in positions of authority are marked by their gender is that the very notion of authority is associated with maleness.

Life is a matter of dealing with other people, in little matters and cataclysmic ones, and that means a series of conversations.