Public discourse requires making an argument for a point of view, not having an argument - as in having a fight.

False dichotomies are often at the heart of discord.

Communication is a continual balancing act, juggling the conflicting needs for intimacy and independence

To say that a person feels listened to means a lot more than just their ideas get heard. It's a sign of respect. It makes people feel valued.

When those closest to us respond to events differently than we do, when they seem to see the same scene as part of a different play, when they say things that we could not imagine saying in the same circumstances, the ground on which we stand seems to tremble and our footing is suddenly unsure.

any criticism heard secondhand sounds worse than it would face to face. Words spoken out of our presence strike us as more powerful, just as people we know only by reputation seem larger than life.

Critiquing relieves you of the responsibility of doing integrative thinking.