You can't teach somebody how to be funny. You're either funny, or you ain't.

I eat meat because meat tastes like murder, and murder tastes pretty dam good!

It's important to have your own space. I've never trusted people who do everything together. I call them "Kool-Aid Couples," because it's like they drank the same Kool-Aid and it's drugged them into constantly gazing into each other's eyes.

I love to smoke. I smoke seven thousand packs a day!

I spent a long time working in the movies to figure out that kind of acting and also how to write and produce for the screen.

Did you ever notice they never take any fat hostages? You never see a guy coming out of Lebanon going: "I was held hostage for seven months and I lost 175 pounds, I feel good and I look good and I learned self-discipline. That's the important thing."

Don't buy the toys that make the noise!