I do have to say that I think that President Obama is the greatest President in the history of all of our Presidents, and that he can do no wrong in my book. So how's that for prejudice on the Democratic side?

It says on the back of the Nyquil box, 'May cause drowsiness.' It should say, 'Don't make any plans, OK? Kiss your family and friends good-bye.'

All men hear is blah, blah, blah, blah, SEX, blah, blah, blah, FOOD, blah, blah, blah, BEER.

I can't text. My fingers are too big.

I want you to take away the hope because that's the thing that's killing me.

Worrying about tomorrow is the best way to screw up today.

Let me tell you something: I love the Yankees. And let me tell you why: because without the Yankees, there is nobody to hate.