I love to smoke. I love to eat red meat. I'll only eat red meat that comes from cows who smoke, ok!? Special cows they grow in Virginia with voice boxes in their necks. "Moo"

Happy Easter everyone! Jesus dies, comes back from the dead - and we get chocolate eggs. It's like turn-down service from God.

When I become president, all you assholes that ride bikes in the city? Lock and load! You're going down!

He [ Campbell Scott ] is also a really funny guy which not a lot of people know.

I was working with Peter Tolan, who was my writing partner on those two [Rescue Me and The Job], and he did The Larry Sanders Show with Garry Shandling, and he always said that the second season is better because you know the actors.

I wanted a more female point of view.

You try to - you want to fly on both sides of the political fence because that's where the - where the comedy is.