It's like your children talking about holidays, you find they have a quite different memory of it from you. Perhaps everything is not how it is, but how it's remembered.

Dictum on television scripts: We don't want it good - we want it Tuesday.

I used to like writing for comedians - I enjoyed the challenge of making other people funny.

You know you're getting old when a four-letter word for something pleasurable two people can do in bed together is R-E-A-D.

What is a harp but an oversized cheese slicer with cultural pretensions?

It's a funny kind of month, October. For the really keen cricket fan it's when you discover that your wife left you in May.

It's like your children talking about holidays, you find they have a quite different memory of it from you. Perhaps everything is not how it is, but how it's remembered.