I defy anyone to get a decision that quickly these days.

I used to like writing for comedians - I enjoyed the challenge of making other people funny.

If all the world is a stage, and all the men and women merely players, where do all the audiences come from?

You know you're getting old when a four-letter word for something pleasurable two people can do in bed together is R-E-A-D.

The comedians all finished their acts with a song. They would get a certain amount of money from the song publishers and would use that money to pay the writers. None of them paid very much for their comedy material, but it all added up.

There's an unseen force which lets birds know when you've just washed your car.

If the laughter of the audience was malicious we wouldn't show it.